Cries of My Soul
Comic Illustrations / Ilustrasi komik: Johnny Ong
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I only met him when he attended my digital storytelling workshop. He was constantly joking and laughing, and seemed to be more interested in showing his fellow workshop participants the tourist attractions and local sites around his hometown.
He was THE naughty boy in class. The one you are so tempted to put in the corner, but would stop and think twice because of his infectious laughter. I got to know him just a tiny bit better after the workshop. I decided to interview him. He has a strong positive attitude in life.
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3rd DAY OF WORKSHOP: All of you have to return at 3 o'clock, ok... — Ya, OK!
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Where are you? Why are you not back yet?... There is a lot more to cover in the workshop.
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INTERVIEW AFTER THE WORKSHOP: I am actually a very positive person, my thoughts, my attitude, always positive.
I learnt how he could rely on no one else but himself. He describes himself as a self-made man, a journey he literally had no one to share with. Not one of the rich, multi-millionaires, but someone who feels responsible for his staff and perseveres to build his business. For his digital story, “Cries of My Soul”, he told me that he had to have that quiet time so that he could dig deep into himself, to go back to a painful place he had long left behind. He did it so that people like you and I could better understand people like him.
I didn't share this story with anyone before the workshop. Who am I to share my stories with? I have long relied on myself. I have had no one.
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I didn't tell that story because I would cry. Then I would not finish my digital story!
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I love his story. I love how he tells his story, how his story shows that trans people (transgenders) or those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer are not morally bankrupt, that some of them have a spiritual strength that would put those who judge them to shame. At the time of the interview, I also learnt of a much more personal story that he chose not to tell, a story in which he is so emotionally bound, but such a powerful story of love and acceptance. It made me tear.
I so very much hope that one day he will be ready to share that story. It is a beautiful story.
I so very much hope that one day he will be ready to share that story. It is a beautiful story.
Laungan Jiwa Saya
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Tiada siapa yang memahami
Mereka hanya mahu memaksa ku menjadi yang lain Tolong jangan paksa ku lagi Tolong jangan sakitkan ku lagi Tahukah kamu betapa sakitnya ini? Tolong jangan tukar aku Aku tak mampu menjadi yang kamu mahu Aku tak mampu Puas aku mencuba Puas aku paksa diriku, tapi aku tak berjaya Sungguh aku tak berjaya Sering aku bertanya Setiap hari Siapakah aku? Apakah aku? Kenapa perasaan aku begini? Memang sejak dahulu aku begini Tidak pernah berubah Badanku, batinku Mereka macam tak serasi Aku bersusah payah setiap hari Mengharapkan suatu jawapan dapat ku cari Aku berdoa setiap hari Hatiku berdarah setiap hari Apabila kau paksa aku berpakaian sebegini Apabila kau paksa aku berkelakuan sebegini Tahukah kamu betapa pedihnya bunyi namaku dari mulutmu? Setiap hari badanku dan batinku ini aku aniayai dengan perlakonan kepada dunia Kehidupan palsu Menyembunyikan diri Ya Tuhan Tolonglah aku mencari jalanku Tolonglah aku keluar dari penjara ini Kasih sayangku adalah seluruh hati Tapi salahkah aku jika ingin menjadi diriku yang sebenar? Salahkah aku jika inginkan sesuatu dengan sepenuhnya, dengan sedalamnya sehingga menjadi sengsara? Kenapa ia salah? Kenapa ia salah pada mereka yang menyanjungiMu? Apa yang aku mahu hanyalah untuk menjadi diriku sendiri Diriku yang semulajadi Inilah diriku yang sebenar Susah sungguhkah ia Seperti mustahil sahaja Betulkah itu? Tidak, Aku tidak mampu lagi Aku tidak boleh menipu diri sendiri Aku tidak boleh menyeksa jiwaku lagi, kalau tidak akan tiba ajalku Aku tidak akan lagi berbuat begini Tinggalkan aku seorang diri Kalau betul kamu sayangkan aku, biarlah aku dapat kegembiraan. |
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