Love, No Different
Comic Illustrations / Ilustrasi komik: Johnny Ong
The storyteller expressed interest in my digital storytelling workshops, so I decided that it was best that we both meet beforehand, to explain in more detail why I was doing the workshops. The storyteller spoke freely, spoke with a childlike trust, as if I was already a friend, when in fact, I was merely a stranger whom the storyteller had just met. When the workshop finally took place, I was keen for the storyteller to weave his personal story around the love of his parents, a love he spoke of during our first meeting, a love that cut across ethnicities, cultures and religions. I had hoped that the storyteller would juxtapose his acceptance of a love lost with society's unacceptance of his parents' true love, a love, I strongly felt, that needed telling in Malaysia.
Most do not know that Malaysia is a country where the State is adamant in establishing its identity as a purist Sunni Islamic nation, and yet, there are approximately 40% non-Muslims in the country. A statistic that can hardly be termed a minority. As such, the State plays a dominant role in dictating the personal lives of the peoples of Malaysia, from issues of forced and unilateral conversions, body snatching for Islamic burials, to policing religious freedoms of individuals and of course, sexuality. There is, for example, a known attempt to forcibly annul a marriage between a Shia Muslim man whom I met, with a Sunni Muslim woman. His wife's father wants the marriage annulled and reported the man to the Islamic authorities because Shia Muslims (Shi'ites) in Malaysia are not considered "true Muslims". Then there was the raid by the Islamic religious authorities in Selangor, who gatecrashed a wedding at a Hindu temple. They literally gatecrashed the wedding all because the woman who was to marry was unilaterally converted by her Muslim father without her mother's knowledge. She was brought up Hindu and has lived her life as a Hindu. Her father had abandoned the family, yet wanted a say in whom she married and reported her to the Islamic religious authorities.
Most do not know that Malaysia is a country where the State is adamant in establishing its identity as a purist Sunni Islamic nation, and yet, there are approximately 40% non-Muslims in the country. A statistic that can hardly be termed a minority. As such, the State plays a dominant role in dictating the personal lives of the peoples of Malaysia, from issues of forced and unilateral conversions, body snatching for Islamic burials, to policing religious freedoms of individuals and of course, sexuality. There is, for example, a known attempt to forcibly annul a marriage between a Shia Muslim man whom I met, with a Sunni Muslim woman. His wife's father wants the marriage annulled and reported the man to the Islamic authorities because Shia Muslims (Shi'ites) in Malaysia are not considered "true Muslims". Then there was the raid by the Islamic religious authorities in Selangor, who gatecrashed a wedding at a Hindu temple. They literally gatecrashed the wedding all because the woman who was to marry was unilaterally converted by her Muslim father without her mother's knowledge. She was brought up Hindu and has lived her life as a Hindu. Her father had abandoned the family, yet wanted a say in whom she married and reported her to the Islamic religious authorities.
But the storyteller’s heart was set on this story, this story of loss, heartbreak and his looking forward to finding love again. Silently, I told myself, "here we go again, another heartbreak, another love lost".
I recalled how two gay friends of mine had started a project some years ago—they wanted to publish an anthology of short stories written by Malaysians who are lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans people, queer people, but all they received to their open call for stories, were cheesy stories of falling in love and break ups. I struggled in my head. The other storytellers were much more respectful than I. They felt that it was a good story. |
I knew that for this storyteller, the break up was so recent that it left all other stories unworthy of any telling. I had to stop and think to myself, why I wanted a different story. Maybe I am at an age where finding true love is too corny. Is it possible too that I have gone through so many break-ups that I wonder if it is worth all that heartache? I could not sway the storyteller to think of a different story.
Somehow, I also knew in my heart that I had to trust the storyteller's decision, that this would prove a story anyone could relate to. As I sat down and watched the digital story again, I realised how powerful a story it is. Translation was key, and the words we hear need not be those that are spoken.
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Cinta murni, tetap cintaAku berjalan terhuyung-hayang ke arah kolej ku. Aku tak dapat henti memikirkan tentang dia. Dia berkata kepada ku, “Aku tidak boleh lagi terus sebegini”. Aku tahu dari saat dia menuturkan kata-kata itu, hasratnya ialah untuk berpisah dengan ku. Cuma aku tidak boleh percaya ini boleh terjadi. Sungguh aku tidak pernah sangkakan. Tidak pernah di dalam hidupku! Walaupun sejak beberapa bulan ini apa yang tinggal hanya kata-kata kesat, ini masih tidak disangka. Namun nasi sudah menjadi bubur dan beginilah kami terpisah. Berbulan aku perlukan hanya untuk memahami bahawa kasih sayang dan cinta abadi terukir dalam setahun itu sudah boleh lesap begitu sahaja. Aku menjadi tertekan, sedih dan seperti tiada nyawa. Hanya dia yang boleh aku fikirkan, aku langsung tidak meneruskan hidup, aku rasa seperti ada sebahagian dalam diriku ini sudah mati. Aku rindukan saat kami bersama, rindukan sentuhan lembutnya ketika di katil ku dan aku rindukan nafas lembutnya di leher ku. Aku tidak mampu selain hanya menangis apabila aku lihatnya di Facebook rancak dengan gambar-gambar dia tersenyum dengan kawan-kawannya. Aku bermimpi aku ada di dalam kesemuanya. Tetapi tidak. Dan itu sahaja… Berbulan aku tertekan jiwa, aku memencilkan diri dari dunia, mata ku gelap kepada semua selain daripada apa yang ku hilang dan kesedihan ku. Aku hilang harapan, dan aku bertanya-tanya samada mungkinkah aku akan dapat berjumpa dengan cinta sejati sepertimana yang kami nikmati dahulu. Aku berpegang tanpa harapan bahawa mungkin satu hari kami akan bersatu semula. Tetapi itu tidak kesampaian. Aku berasa terdesak dan kehilangan, menyebabkan prestasiku merudum di dalam kelas, dan juga di segala hal lain. Semestinya ada seorang di dalam dunia ini yang mungkin menyayangi aku. Akhirnya, aku mula mengangkat diri sendiri, dan secara perlahan aku cuba meneruskan hidup dan mencapai kegembiraan. Dia sudahpun meneruskan hidupnya dan sudah bertemu cinta, dan aku juga akan sebegitu jua. Sekarang aku tahu di dalam hidupku ini bukan hanya ada kegelapan dan kesedihan, tetapi wujud juga cahaya dan kegembiraan. Demi itu, kasihku yang masih lagi tersembunyi akan tiba. Semestinya….
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